Change happens...play your part!
A quote from Eeyore, you know…the donkey with a loose tail from the Winnie the Pooh stories:
“Can’t change the inevitable, just have to go with the flow.” - Eeyore
Lots of people think Eeyore was the epitome of negativity. Studies have even been conducted to suggest that his character actually represents Depressive Disorder claiming he never feels any positive emotions. Now let’s all take off our Psychology 101 hats and look at the words for what they are…simple.
The way I see it, there are 3 simple outcomes for the question: Can I effect change? Each of which has an even more simplified method to managing how you feel.
Let’s say you have a problem or an issue. This can be anything from “oh no, I didn’t expect it to rain today…to…well, they are shutting down my department” and of course everything in between.
How do you answer the question: Can I effect change? Is there anything that I can do that would alter the outcome of the situation?
No: If there is nothing you can do (other than hope and wish), then move on to the next task/issue/problem in your day. Do not allow negativity to set in. Negativity takes root in YOU and clearly there is nothing YOU can do in this scenario.
Yes: If there is something you can do, well you’ve just been given 2 options.
Do it: Whatever you can do, go and do it! You will be filled with positivity because you made a choice to act and by acting you have made a difference in your situation.
Don’t do anything: If you decide that you don’t want to or don’t make the effort to do anything, well it must not have been as important as you thought. Don’t allow the negativity to set in…the “I coulda, I shoulda”…yeah well you didn’t so move on. Feeling guilt, sorrow, regret, …none of that will help you in the next step so don’t let those feelings take hold.
To show this played out, let’s take a look at our “rainy day” example. There is an outdoor event that you have to attend. The weather calls for sunny skies but when you open your door to head out…pouring rain. Ask yourself, can you effect change on the weather? Of course not…don’t feel bad or wish is wasn’t raining, nothing you can do…move on to the next step. Can you effect change on the event? Nope…not your call. Can you effect change on whether you get wet or not? Yes…ah now we have choices. Do something, go out and get a rain jacket or umbrella…instantly feel good because you are taking control of your life. Second choice, don’t go get a rain jacket or umbrella…evidently the rain doesn’t bother you enough to take preventative measures from getting wet. No problem, don’t let the “coulda/shoulda’s” creep in because it doesn’t matter. Something inside you already made a decision for you based on past experiences. The beautiful thing about us humans…we remember. The next time you are presented with the above scenario and you have a choice to get a rain jacket or umbrella, if it really mattered, this time you will get one. The “coulda/shoulda’s” from previous experiences get embedded in our DNA. It is the same reason when we touch a hot stove…ONCE…something inside us reminds us not to do that the next time, even if we can’t recall why.
By trusting in ourselves, our instincts, we are relieved of the need to feel guilt/sorrow/regret. Those take effort and can be very draining. Don’t expect yourself to get everything right much less to get it right every time. Instead be ok with YOU and know you will continue to get better. That knowledge helps me to live a stress free life (well, nearly stress free, still learning, haha).